Thursday, July 26, 2007

T.G.I.P. -- Thank God It's Pieday!

Sara (left) and Allison of Cafe Ardour are all sunshine and flour as they prep and bake local, independent pies.

After weeks of negotiations, local, independent and organic pies baked by the fantastic folks at Cafe Ardour on Linden Street in Old Town Fort Collins will be delivered to the Rocky Mountain Chronicle office today. In case you've missed out on the hubbub of "Why pies?" get the full rundown at Rocky Mountain Holla, the Chronicle's burgeoning non-pie-related blog.

Want a slice? Come by the Chronicle office at 316 W. Mountain Ave. in Fort Collins (next to the Avery House and across the street from the old Steele's Market) around 1:30pm.

The down side to the deal is that this pie blog will be wrapping up.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Today in pie: Please pass the pie

Colorado has a state animal (bighorn sheep), state bird (lark bunting), two state songs ("Where the Columbines Grow" and "Rocky Mountain High"), a state fish (greenback cutthroat trout), a state mineral (rhodochrosite), a state folk dance (square dance, duh!) and a state fossil (stegosaurus). But we don't have a state pie. For shame, Centennial Staters! What do our lawmakers do at the Capitol?

Rhodochrosite is a pretty mineral worthy of Colorado, but it tastes like shit when baked in a flaky crust.

Fortunately, or not, the good folks from the American Pie Council, "the only organization committed to preserving America's pie heritage and promoting American's [sic] love affair with pies" are promoting Please Pass the Pie, a campaign for each state to adopt an official pastry. By the way, the APC also promotes Crisco, Splenda and Whirlpool.

Finally, an electoral method for "preserving America's pie heritage."

So far, only Vermont (apple) and Florida (key lime) have signed on.

Here at Fort Collins Now, we support the idea of a state pie, but not so much the distinctly corporate taste to the APC's campaign, which is also sponsored by Mrs. Smith's and Edwards Baking. Might we suggest a Greenback cutthroat and peach cobbler?

Open up and say ahh, Colorado, but watch out for little bones and big pits.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Today in pie: Becks wants pie

British footballer and pretty boy David Beckham knows the value of a quality, local, independent pie, albeit a meat pie. Now that he plans to conquer America -- via Major League Soccer and the Los Angeles Galaxy -- Becks is on the prowl for proper pubs, pints, pies and potatoes.

During a UK documentary, "David Beckham: New Beginnings," which follows his and his Posh Spwife Victoria's move to the States, Beckham said, "Obviously, I will miss my family and my friends, but I will also miss things like English pubs - I'm sure there'll be a few Irish ones over there, so that will be close enough. I will also miss pie and mash."

We'll soon be missing our Spice Girls-free existence, now that Posh & Co. have announced they are reuniting for worldwide, the end of the year. As a concession to the planet, they have agreed to not record any new songs, but they haven't yet promised they won't make a sequel to Spice World.

We asked for pies, not pop tarts.

Monday, July 23, 2007

A slice of pie-ola

Hip-hop pastry, so damn tasty.

Pie negotiations between Fort Collins Now and the other Fort Collins Now are wrapping up and news of that is forthcoming. But other Northern Colorado interests are approaching us -- the pie publishers -- with local, independent pies as signs of affection and calls for attention.

Matt Love stopped by the Rocky Mountain Chronicle office earlier today with a fresh-baked and beautiful apple tart from Olive Street Bakery, located in Old Town Fort Collins. Love confesses that the treat is also meant to sweeten up Chronicle editorial staff to cover Grieves, a Fort Collins-reared, Seattle-based hip-hop artist who will have a CD release party at the Aggie Theatre in Fort Collins on August 16 and then play the city's New West Fest on August 18.

Grieves covers up his piehole.

A long-standing policy at the Chronicle is to not let pies influence editorial content, but Love and Grieves get points for not dropping off some Hostess fruit pies; you know, the ones that look like frosted catcher's mitts:

Not local, not independent, but not the worst way to spend money on a late-night 7-Eleven run.

Today in pie: Weebl and Bob

The tao of Weebl

Weebl and Bob have been scamming for pies since 2002, and there are over 100 episodes chronicling their escapades. Devotees can also vicariously chomp pie and the egg-shaped, little wankers -- and enjoy a classic and addicting workday distraction -- with a few rounds of Ultimate Pie Theft, a Pac Man-esque Flash game. "The scurvy dog be after our crusty booty!"

Friday, July 20, 2007

The Creator's Apple Pie

I was recently reminded of a Carl Sagan quote, via Slog, that must be said now, because there may not be enough time to make an apple pie.

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."

Better get started.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Today in pie: JT's granny's pecan pie

Mmmm...tastes like media promotion.

Justin Timberlake
has opened a restaurant in NYC called Southern Hospitality, and done so in honor of his Granny Sadie, who apparently bakes a mean pecan pie. That's right: no frozen "dick-in-a-box" pie for JT and his Memphis grandmama. Now, Timberlake is feeling Justified in revealing the recipe, except I have a tough time believing Granny Sadie ever uses store-bought crust:

3 eggs, beaten
¾ cup of sugar
1/8 teaspoon of salt
1½ tablespoons of flour
3 tablespoons of butter, melted
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup of corn syrup (either light or dark)
1 cup of coarsely chopped pecans
1 pie shell, baked and cooled (use your own recipe, or store-bought)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a medium bowl, combine sugar, flour, salt, eggs and butter. Whisk ingredients until mixture becomes light in color. Add corn syrup, vanilla and chopped pecans. Stir with a rubber spatula until combined. Pour into a baked and cooled pie crust and bake in oven for 30 minutes. Pie is done when completely puffed across the top and the pecans have formed a nice, crispy crust.

Today in pie: Pie man

Homer: Maybe you're right, Lisa. Maybe you're pie. Pie be your pie.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Today in pie: Pie-O-My

Tony: Was just down at the stables. I got some bad news. Pie-O-My. She was in a fire. She's dead.

Pie-O-My and friends.

Was Tony really that out of line for beating and strangling Ralphie to death, after suspecting him of setting the stables ablaze and killing his beloved racehorse, Pie-O-My? Hardly.

When confronted about the stable fire by Tony, Ralph replies, "It's an animal," which seems to demonstrate he just doesn't get it. Is homemade Western Slope brown sugar peach pie just food? Hopefully, nobody needs to be dismembered to answer that question.

Better men have been killed for less.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Today in pie: Pai Mei

Another brilliant film/soundtrack mashup.

: Once upon a time in China, some believe around the year, one-double aught-three, head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei, was walking down a road contemplating whatever it is a man of Pai Mei's infinite power would contemplate, which is another way of saying, "Who knows?", when a Shaolin monk appeared on the road traveling in the opposite direction.

As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei in a practically unfathomable display of generosity gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned.

Now was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei? Or, did he just fail to see the generous social gesture?

The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known were the consequences.

The next morning Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin Temple, and demanded that the temple's head abbot offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The abbot, at first, tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was inconsolable.

So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple, and all sixty of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's Five-Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.

Black Mamba: And what pray tell is the Five-Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique?

Bill: Quite simply the deadliest blow in all of martial arts.

Note to readers: A few slight alterations to the Five-Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique will make the perfect pie crust.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Today in pie: Cow-pie Clocks

From Springville, Utah, comes Cow-Pie Clocks. The company ensures their products, including patty-mounted mirrors and some sort of poop & golf monuments, are organic. Thankfully, in this particular case, they do not appear to be fresh from the proverbial oven. Insert bad crust joke here: _________________.

oh hai

Welcome to Fort Collins Now.

I think I see some pie on your face.